This month I want to share something a little different. My book, The Human Therapist: Bringing Connection Back to the Therapeutic Relationship, came out just a couple of days ago, and I wanted to share how it begins. This is the opening of the introduction, on what happens when we stop treating neutrality as the goal and start treating connection as the work itself.

Early on in my career, I sat across from clients who were completely different from me in every way. Their age, race, gender, and life experiences varied widely. I remember thinking, How am I going to help these people who are so different from myself? How could we possibly relate?

In graduate school, we were taught the “blank slate” theory, the idea that a therapist should reveal as little of themselves as possible in the room, staying neutral and unreadable so the client’s own thoughts and feelings can surface without influence. We were told to remain neutral, objective, and uninfluenced by our own experiences. The theory promised clarity and professionalism. But in practice, I quickly discovered it had limitations. It felt impossible to be completely neutral in the room with another human being.

The blank slate promised objectivity, but it could not promise connection. As I observed my clients, I noticed something striking. Despite our differences, one thing was undeniable.

We were both human and shared the need to be seen, heard, and understood.

That realization shifted everything for me. I began to see therapy not as a technical application of theory, but as a human relationship grounded in compassion. I did not need to erase my humanity to be effective. Allowing myself to be human in the room became a tool for connection.

Bringing your real self into the work does not mean crossing boundaries or sharing everything about yourself. It means acknowledging your presence, showing genuine interest, and allowing your humanity to inform the therapeutic process without overshadowing it. When I started to see my clients as humans in need of care and healing by way of connection, it changed my entire outlook on who I wanted to be as a psychologist.

That question followed me through every year of practice since, and it’s the one this book is built around.

If you want to read more, you can find The Human Therapist and details on the Human Book Club at makingmeaningpsychology.com/the-human-therapist/